The Milk Challenge I, The Original Milk Challenge, was a sold out event filled with happiness and horror. Girls were puking, men were fighting, and I almost got grounded while away at college. We laughed, we cried, and at the end of the day everybody lost. If you have a free 3 hours and want to read the full recap click here.
As per today’s podcast, I am creating the sequel. The Milk Challenge II will be bigger and better with more guts and even less glory. This time around we will be renting out a new space (my parents, for whatever reason, won’t let 8 people puke in their basement again). Persuading the owners of a space to let us use their establishment as a barf bucket may be difficult, but that’s a story for a future blog.
For those unfamiliar with the rules they are as follows. Each party going up against the milk will be provided with a gallon of 2% from the kind person running the event (tips are mandatory). Contestants will then be asked to consume the contents of the gallon in a 60 minute time frame without throwing any of it up. If you somehow manage to finish the gallon (each gallon will be thoroughly inspected by experts of the field), you are still not allowed to puke until 1 minute after the hour. As far as other regulations:
-You will be provided with one barf bag upon entry. If you need to yack, and you will, utilize it. Failure to do so will result in me cleaning up your vomit. No one wants that to happen.
-We will be having a meeting later this week in regards to the use of chocolate milk. (You may comment below with your thoughts.)
-Contestants are still allowed to influence opposing contestants into puking (forcing your fingers down another challenger’s throat is permitted but they are allowed to bite your fingers). There is still nothing in the rule book about showing 2 Girls 1 Cup to the opponent.
-No using the restroom unless myself or another judge accompanies you.
-Shitting is forbidden.
I am looking to fill up 6 more spots in the lineup for a grand total of 8. Right now your 2018 Milk Challenge roster is –
Dug from Dunning
I don’t know a whole lot about Dug from Dunning, but I do know that he once drank 22 gallons of milk in 1 month. You really can’t enter the Milk Challenge with a better stat than 22 gallons of milk in a month. The man did it just to prove to himself he could too. You can’t teach passion like that. Dug is the first ever reoccurring guest on The Neighborhood Guys, who has also failed at completing a different food challenge both times he was on. He’s coming in the ring with a chip on his shoulder and The Milk Challenge II could just be the comeback his career needs.
Unfortunately I am being forced against my own will to take part this time. Mind you my hands are already full with orchestrating this whole thing, but apparently certain parties involved in The Milk Challenge I, The Original Milk Challenge feel that I need to be in it because I’m running it? Does the host of Survivor go out there everyday to pick berries and build fires with his contestants? Sure I’ll just chug a gallon of milk while still announcing, judging, hosting, and live tweeting everything. Let’s just sacrifice the quality of the whole show so a couple losers from the first challenge can have their little laughs. Makes sense.
As I have stated we are still on the hunt for 6 more contestants. Send us an email explaining why you would like to participate while also answering the following prompt:
Would you be wiling to place your right hand on the bible during the Milk Challenge II opening ceremonies, as well as stand up for the anthem?
Do you gag at the sight of others throwing up?
What is/was your go-to ice breaker on the first day of class?
What will you do if you win The Milk Challenge II?
What is your social security number?
You want a shot at the belt? Send your applications over to firstname.lastname@example.org so we can get the ball rolling. Let’s make all the milk truthers out there get disgusted as they watch us in our element on game day. “Did you know humans are the only mammals that drink milk from other mammals?” You’re goddamn right we are. #MIIkChallenge