Some Asshole Threw An Alligator In Lake Michigan

NBC – Authorities in Illinois rescued a four-foot alligator from Lake Michigan on Monday, officials said. Waukegan is roughly an hour north Chicago, on the banks of Lake Michigan near the Wisconsin state line. A kayaker who initially believed the reptile was a dead salmon called 911 after seeing an alligator head in the water, the Lake County News-Sun reported. “I was just in shock,” the kayaker, David Castaneda, told the paper. “I wasn’t sure if it was a real alligator or a toy.” The post said animal control officials and workers from a local yacht broker and storage business rescued the animal, which was taken to a wildlife center in the nearby city of Lake Forest.


If you want to hop on the black market and get yourself an alligator, free will grants you that right, but you better be able to handle that thing once it starts trying to land the death roll on your wife. These people out there are ordering panthers and walruses online, getting their 200 likes on Instagram with them, then releasing them at the local forest preserve the second they start gnawing on their kid’s leg. Like whoever this asshole was that threw his pet alligator into Lake Michigan. I’ll start by saying his head was in the right place by unleashing on the Wisconsin side, but the last thing we need around here is the Swamp People coming to Chicago. The reason we all put up with these 6 month long winters each year instead of moving south is so we don’t have to deal with the monsters (both animals and people) planted down there. I’ll scrape ice off my windshield at 6AM and do the Ace Ventura head out the window on the Kennedy every day before I wake up to a tarantula in my frunchroom or a cobra dancing its way out of my slop sink. If we start throwing alligators into the mix then we’re just getting the worst of both sides. Don’t be an asshole, buy a dog next time.

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